Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
