I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
