I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I am available for nakedness
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
