when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
