so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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