I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
