Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
