I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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