At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
