This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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