Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
