i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
