She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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