if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
