then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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