Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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