if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
