did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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