Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
