I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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