im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
