I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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