last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
