I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize