I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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