like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize