no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
