He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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