Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
