Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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