Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize