im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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