I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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