we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
