just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
