I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
