I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
