Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
