neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
