When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
