So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
