You just made me feel so damn special
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
