hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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