I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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