im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize