Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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