Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
