she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
