i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
