so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Bring me that man meat
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
