Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
