i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
