what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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