my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
