If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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