Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize