Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
