Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The beer is more important than you right now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
