fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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