My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
