U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it wasn't lemon gatorade
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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