i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i wish my penis had a tongue
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
