No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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