My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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