All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
