i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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