i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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