That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you traded sex for a burrito?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just puked most of my soul out..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
