Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My dick has a subreddit
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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