He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
